OnyxKiller

I probably made the cruelest April fools joke ever.... the truth is I only reactivated the account as an April fools joke.... But that's not really funny is it? I know you guys missed me but....
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Keep going
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The joke is
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I'm not leaving again don't worry happy April fools guys!!!

Luv you all
-Onyx

I am leaving... I will deactivate... I'm sorry but there's nothing you can do to stop me... I love you all but I'm sick of this place... I have made some amazing friends and met some great people but I just can't handle it anymore.... I'm sorry.... I will miss all of you a lot... don't try stopping me though because it won't work.... I believe in all of you, keep up the amazing work!

If you have anything to say before I go I will read all notes and comments i get before I leave....

Goodbye and I'm sorry
-OnyxKiller

So I wanted to make this official I am leaving this account for awhile I want to try and avoid as much drama and bullshit as possible. I will come back eventually I promise. I am under way to much stress at the moment and need a break.

But I did say I'm leaving 'this' account. Note me as soon as possible if you want to know where I'll be.


See ya guys later
-OnyxKiller

Vent please ignore this I don't wanna seem like an ass and I'll probably delete this later..
Things I hate about myself

1. My body, I hate being built the way I am. I'm naturally big and more masculine and I absolutely hate it... I wish I was thinner... I feel fat....

2. My face, I always look sad or angry....

3. My natural hair, I hate being blonde I always have that the reason I dye my hair so frequently....

4. My feelings, I really wish I couldn't feel it would make my life easier... then I could ignore the pain and loneliness...

5. Trust issues, I wish I could trust people more and less... there is sometimes I open myself up way to easily and the wind up hurt... then when it comes to the people I should trust I just can't because I'm afraid to trust people....

6. My depression, for fucks sake I tried to fucking kill myself more than once.... I lived through an overdose without having anyone notice.... it gives me awful and frequent mood swings

7. My anxiety, I have become a shy little bitch afraid of the world because of my anxiety..... I freak out when people just look at me for a just second.... I have stopped talking to just about everyone because of it....

8. I hate my mind, I over think everything way to much and wind up hurting myself and other in the end...

9. I hate myself for LOVING, everyone I have ever loved... no matter if it's my family, my friends, or the person I love... My dumbass always fucks something up and I always wind up hurt or I just get hurt in general.... I wish I was unable to feel that emotion.....

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You should've never come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel